Brothers and Sisters

Sometimes siblings are wonderful and are your best friends, and sometimes they’re just a pain. But when your brother or sister is missing, you may feel guilty about the times you did not get along or weren’t nice to each other. Somehow, everyday life doesn’t feel the same. Your family roles have shifted. Suddenly, you may be the oldest, youngest, or even the only child.

What if you shared a room with your missing sibling? Your room and other places you spent time together can feel scary, sad, or uncomfortable now that they’re no longer there. Just going into the room can make you feel their absence even more. You may choose not to sleep in that room, or you may find ways to learn to be okay with spending time there, such as telling yourself your sibling is just “away for a while.” Whatever you feel, remember it’s okay.

You may also have new responsibilities now, like helping with the care of other siblings, running errands, or doing extra chores. Depending on your age, your parents may need you to stay with another trusted adult for a while to protect your well-being. If you’re older, you may even feel some responsibility to take charge. As you work through changing family roles, needs, and environment, there’s nothing more important than talking with your parents and other trusted adults and feeling safe to communicate your needs.

Things you can do for your family (and they for you, too!):

• Try to remember that you and your entire family are full of emotions. It’s good to talk about them or just acknowledge them in kind and patient ways. Sometimes it’s comforting to know you are not alone in your feelings.
• If you’re older, try to pay a little extra attention to younger siblings who may be frightened or confused. Play a game or play outside with them. Read a book together. Make a snack with them. Encourage them to talk about how they’re feeling, or help them to share feelings in other, creative ways—such as through drawing pictures, dance, or song. Sometimes family closeness is all it takes to make you feel better.
• If you have arguments or disagreements with your siblings, try to shake it off, say you’re sorry, and talk about it if you can. If not, just saying you’re sorry and allowing space to calm down can be enough.