“You go through all the same feelings again—the ones you went through when your sibling first went missing.” —Amy
“I feel we have an obligation to recognize that day.” —Trevor
Hopefully, your brother or sister will quickly return home safe. For some families, however, it takes a longer period of time—even years. And some families are still waiting. Like holidays, anniversaries can sneak up on you. On the anniversary of the date your brother or sister went missing, you may find yourself reliving the same feelings you had when it first happened. It’s natural to experience strong emotions as the anniversary date approaches. You might dream about your sibling or have trouble sleeping. You can find that you and your parents are struggling to keep your emotions under control.
Because anniversaries can be difficult or emotional occasions, talk with your family ahead of time about what you collectively want to do on that day. You may want to be with just your immediate family or to have more family, friends, and relatives around. Some sort of ceremony to honor your missing sibling can be a positive way to both remember and foster hope for the future. And remember—it’s okay if you cannot participate. Trust your feelings.
Here are some suggestions we can offer you and your family for handling anniversaries:
- Expect that the day will be an emotional one for you and your family. Give yourself permission to feel all your feelings. Cry if you need to.
- Anniversaries can be tough, so do what you need to do to take care of yourself. You may need to be on your own, with friends, or not talk about your missing sibling.
- You may want to honor your brother or sister by keeping their memory alive. It can feel affirming to celebrate memories. Share funny stories about your sibling with family and friends. Bring out old family pictures.
- Invite people to write and share messages or poems, light candles, offer prayers, or sing songs together.
- Write your missing brother or sister a letter just for them. Say all the things you wish you could have said before.
- If you need time alone, pick a safe place to go to in your home. Make sure you let your parents know where you are. Let yourself remember your brother or sister. It may help you to feel close to them.
- Don’t be afraid to ask your parents or your siblings for what you need right now—a shoulder to cry on, a hug, someone to hold your hand.
- Spend some time with your family pet. Animals can be a wonderful source of comfort.
