People other than media—extended family members, friends, people you know from your community, and even complete strangers—may approach you and your family with questions. Many will have good intentions and genuinely want to know how they can help; others are just plain nosy and thrive on getting information that is none of their business. They may even spread hurtful rumors about your brother or sister, you, or your family.
Questions You Hate to be Asked
It takes only moments from the time your brother or sister is missing to realize there are questions you will dread. When you’re in the public eye, many people feel entitled and think they have a right to ask you questions. Some people don’t want to bother your parents, so they may ask you questions instead.
But even a seemingly harmless question from a stranger, like “How many brothers and sisters do you have?”, can throw you and leave you uncertain how to answer. It’s hard to answer questions from people you know, and even harder to answer questions from people you don’t know. It helps a little to be prepared for common questions so you’re not totally surprised.
Talk to your parents about any questions that make you uncomfortable. If your parents are not around, find an adult you trust, like a relative, teacher, or family friend, and let them know the questions that make you feel bad or uncomfortable. Or find a good friend to talk to. Sometimes it helps to simply admit that you’re really bummed out. Your friend may not have the answers, but having a caring person to listen is helpful. And remember, you can always walk away from people asking you questions who don’t honor your request to stop or leave you alone.
Common Questions You Might Not Want To Answer and Responses You Can Give
Here are some common questions you may be asked and answers you might want to give. If you think you’ll want to answer these questions sometimes, think about what you want to offer so you don’t feel “put on the spot.”
- “How many brothers and sisters do you have?”
- I have four brothers and sisters, but one is not home right now.
- “Do you think your brother or sister is still alive?”
- I hope so.
- “What happened?”
- I don’t know what happened. And I don’t want to talk about it.
- “Was your brother or sister sexually abused?”
- I don’t know if my brother or sister was sexually abused, but this is not something I am comfortable talking about.
- “How does this make you feel?”
- I don’t want to talk about my feelings right now.
And it’s always okay to say:
- I don’t know.
- I don’t feel like answering that question right now.
- That question makes me feel uncomfortable.
- That’s enough questions for now.