Perhaps the best advice we can give you is not to be too hard on yourself. You are important and are going through something terrible and traumatic. There is no right or wrong way to feel. Your feelings are your own, and whatever they are, they’re okay.
We also can’t tell you what to feel or do in every situation you’ll experience through this journey, as each person’s is different and unique. One of the best things you can do is acknowledge your feelings and try your best to work through them in positive ways.
We hope your brother or sister returns home safely—and soon. However, through our experiences, we all learned it’s best to prepare yourself for the possibility that this situation may go on for a long time. And regardless of how long your sibling is missing, the outcome may not be what you want or expect.
We are not sharing this to worry or scare you. As you read our stories and messages of hope at the end of the Guide, you will find our journeys have all taken different paths, with different outcomes—for those of us whose siblings were found and those of us who are still searching for our missing brother or sister.
We have learned this is a forever process. We are all still going through feelings about what happened. A lot has changed in our lives. We have found a new “normal.” We hope our words help you deal with what is happening around you. We offer our thoughts to support and help you begin to put your life back together. And we believe in you—you will find the courage and help you need to get through this. You can find and lean into positive things in your lives, even during times of struggle.
Here are some of our thoughts about feelings:
✔ It’s okay to ask for help and to share your thoughts and feelings with someone.
✔ Don’t be afraid to let the feelings out; just be patient with yourself as you learn to work through them in productive ways.
✔ Talk to someone you trust. You may feel better getting things off your chest.
✔ You are not a burden. You are allowed to have emotions.
✔ You may want to write down your thoughts. Maybe keep a journal. Sometimes things that are hard to say are easier to write.
✔ You can keep your journal private, or you may want to share it with a trusted adult. They may help you cope. It’s all up to you.
✔ Know that your feelings may change from day to day—or even minute to minute.
✔ It’s okay to feel the way you feel. There’s nothing wrong with it.
✔ Give yourself permission to take a break from feeling bad. It’s okay to do something fun. It’s okay to laugh.
✔ Do something to take your mind off a situation. You can do things like watch or go to a movie, listen to music, make art, practice an instrument if you play one, or just hang out with friends.
✔ It may be hard to feel okay with this, but we want you to understand it’s healthy for you to think about and do other things when you can; try not to feel like you must think about your missing brother or sister every minute.
