I was born and grew up in Pensacola, Florida. My parents divorced when I was 5 years old. My little sister, Sara, was 3 at the time, and my little brother, Arash, was 1. My mother won custody of us, so we continued to live in Pensacola. Sadly, Child Protective Services was in and out of our home due to physical and mental abuse at the hands of our mother and other family members. She had abused drugs and alcohol to get through the tough times of trying to raise three kids on her own. Unfortunately, she thought having men in our lives would help us. But her boyfriends weren’t all good. In fact, one changed our lives forever in the worst way imaginable. As the oldest, I tried to protect my siblings from the hurt as much as I could. Sara was not only my sister, but she was also my best friend. Ray Wike, one of my mother’s boyfriends, had been sexually abusing me for a year since I first met him in 1987. On September 22, 1988, in the middle of the night, Ray kidnapped both me (age 8) and Sara (age 6) from our mother’s home while we were sleeping. He drove us to a wooded area about 20 minutes away from our apartment. There he sexually assaulted me for hours. Ray then left us both for dead in the woods after cutting both our throats. I pretended to be dead while Ray ran out of the woods and took off. I checked on my sister and knew by the look of her, she wasn’t going to answer. I had to get help, so I started walking out of the woods and waved down a couple on the road. They rushed me to a nearby store and called 911. I survived; my sister did not. From that day forward, I felt guilty for surviving and had dreams of saving my sister from this nightmare. I knew who did this to us and was determined to bring her killer to justice. I can’t imagine having to wonder where my sister is and who did this to her. However, it doesn’t take the pain and heartache away. You learn to live with it and fight to keep their memory alive.
Today, I am the parent of a wonderful son. Being a parent is both amazing and terrifying at the same time. To think you are now responsible for life other than yours. I became extra vigilant about people and surroundings. I talk to my child about possible situations he could be faced with and won’t allow him to do certain things like sleepovers. And I have learned through all of this that I am stronger than I thought—and you are as well. When I was older, I became a State Trooper in New York, working with and helping children who, like me, faced the most horrible situation you can imagine. I am proud of the work I have done, and even prouder of all the children I have worked with and supported. The story never ends, but it can have a better ending than you think.
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Sayeh’s Message of Hope
I am proof there is hope and you can survive. If your brother or sister is out there, keep hope alive, believe one day they will come home and you will have answers. Some, like me, may get answers that your sibling will not be brought home. You will not understand why this happened. For myself, I finally found peace when I stopped asking why and learned to forgive myself for surviving. Please find your support, whether it’s your family or your chosen family. Get counseling. Life feels broken and it will be difficult to try and put the pieces back together. Self-care is a “must” and you need to take care of yourself because you are important. Remember to be kind to yourself. And remember that it’s okay not to be okay. You will have good days and bad days. I found strength knowing my sister would want me to fight back and help prevent others from having to go through what our family experienced.