School

Here are some things that can help you with school:

• Talk with your parents about how to ease back into school routines. Your teachers may be willing to let you do half-days at first. A whole school day may seem overwhelming, but tell yourself, “I can handle this for a couple of hours.”
• Let your friends know what you can and can’t cope with right now. Sometimes it takes just a few words to break the ice. You can set the boundaries. If kids ask about your brother or sister, you can say, “I really don’t want to talk about that right now. But tell me about what’s going on with you.” This is a good way to take the focus off yourself.
• Another good thing to say might be, “It’s okay to talk about my brother or sister, just not behind my back. And I might want to change the subject at some point; and when I do, I need you to respect that.”

This next piece of advice is very important: Make a choice—a commitment to yourself—to only hang out with positive people. Even though some people may be friends to you, if they tend to be sarcastic or critical of others and things in the world around you, now is the time to give them—and yourself—some space. The last thing you need right now is negativity.

As we shared earlier, one of the best things you can do for yourself is to get involved or reconnect with a group activity—sports, music, art, academic clubs, volunteer organizations, and other community groups. They can be a welcome relief from thinking about the situation at home. Sports are a way to turn your mind off and focus all your attention on physical activity instead. A team gives you a clearly defined role, and it can feel good to be part of a shared effort working toward a common goal. It’s one area of your life where you can take control again. A group activity or club can also give you a broader support network and something positive and constructive to do for yourself.

It’s natural to fear that you won’t be able to concentrate in class and to worry about falling behind. Remember that your teachers want to help you succeed. They are probably aware of your circumstances at home and willing to work with you any way they can. Here are some things to remember:

• Pace yourself. Your teacher can help. Meet with your teacher or school counselor. Come up with a plan for how to handle things week by week. Try to take it one day at a time. If your plan doesn’t seem to be working, ask to change your approach.
• Friends can bring work home for you so you don’t get too far behind.
• A tutor can bridge the gap. A tutor can help go over missed work or subjects that are a struggle for you. Your teachers or counselor may be able to arrange one for you.
• Be patient as you improve your ability to concentrate. It’s understandable if the situation at home makes it hard to concentrate. But at the same time, try not to use it as an excuse. Ask your teacher, tutor, or a friend who does well with studies for ideas on how to help you stay focused.
• Celebrate your “wins” and give yourself credit. You may not do well on every test, but give yourself credit for what you do accomplish. Whether it’s answering a question correctly in class or spiking a volleyball in gym class, pat yourself on the back for your small victories.
• It may feel like you are just going through the motions of school at first, and that’s okay. With time, the “motions” may start to feel natural again.
• Be prepared for ups and downs. You may be readjusting to school smoothly. But then, when you least expect it, you’re walking down the hall or eating lunch in the cafeteria and you become overwhelmed by emotions. For no apparent reason, you want to cry, snap at a friend, or run away. It may just be too much for you and you feel like you’re falling apart. This is natural and to be expected.

Give this a try: If you think you’re going to “lose it” in class, talk to your teacher ahead of time and arrange a signal that says, “I need a break.” You may just need to go outside and breathe fresh air for a minute or visit the school counselor. Use the signal you and your teacher agree upon; this way, you won’t need to draw a lot of attention to yourself, and you can take that important break while respecting the needs and work of the rest of the class.

Lastly, remember that this is a vulnerable time for you. There may be other kids who try to take advantage of this and don’t have your best interests at heart. Trust your instincts. If you feel uneasy or find yourself thinking, “This is not a positive or productive thing to do,” don’t do it. Stick with the friends who make you feel good about yourself and life in general and reach out to your trusted adults at school whenever you need to. Taking care of yourself at school takes strength and courage—and you have both inside you, even on the hard days.