With all the media attention, your family may be viewed as “celebrities” in the eyes of many people. We think of these people as “cling-ons” or “tragedy seekers.” They are complete strangers who feel they know you because they recognize you from the media. Or people who want to get close to you because they may have suffered a similar tragedy and are seeking attention. They may stake out your house or try to talk to you when your parents are not around. They may follow you when you leave the house or approach you when you’re going to and from school, work, or errands. They can seem weird, scary, and even aggressive, and you don’t want anything to do with them. Call or message your parents or law enforcement any time you feel uneasy or unsafe. Trust your instincts. Tell people who approach you oddly, aggressively, or otherwise act out of line with you that you have nothing to say to them—clearly and bluntly if needed. If they don’t get the message, ask your parents or law enforcement for help.
A Note About Court and the Judicial Process
Depending upon the circumstances surrounding the disappearance of your brother or sister, you may be faced with going to court and navigating the judicial process. Know that this can be a very long, drawn-out process that again puts you in the media spotlight and brings up emotions and feelings that you have been grappling with for months or even years. It can be devastating, as it was for some of us. Expect the court or judicial process to be unfamiliar to you. You will again be asked repeated questions by people you do not know. Try to be patient. Answer questions truthfully. And try to revisit earlier sections in this Guide that talk about taking care of yourself, mental health, and handling the media.
The following resources can answer many of your questions about the judicial process:
- The Office for Victims of Crime has put together Child Victims and Witnesses Support Materials that you may find helpful as you prepare for court.
- The Center for Justice Innovation created interactive and educational materials to help you navigate the justice system.
We thought it might be helpful to tell you, in our own words, about our own experiences with the courts and legal process. Without a doubt, it was very difficult.
From Amy: “My family went nearly 27 years without answers to what happened to my brother. Then the man confessed and soon we found ourselves in the courtroom facing him. For me, this was incredibly difficult, as we had to hear the details of what happened, and everything shifted from the hope we carried for so many years to the reality of the worst-case scenario. During the years my brother was missing, I occasionally found myself thinking the worst and imagining horrible things that could have happened, but I never let myself stay there for very long. It wasn’t helpful. To live my life, I needed to focus on the hope that he could be found and returned to us. But then we were there in that room with lawyers and the sheriff describing the horrific details of what happened the night Jacob was taken. It was so much worse than what I had imagined the worst-case scenario to be. We were given the opportunity to write a victim impact statement. It wasn’t required, but I chose to because I wanted this man to hear how his actions impacted so many people. This was truly one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do—to go back and recount how my 13-year-old self changed that night, how my childhood came to a screeching halt. As an adult today, my life is still impacted by the decisions he made that night.”
From Carmen: “Going to court was a scary, unknown experience for me. Our immediate family had a private meeting where we heard the horrific details about what happened to Jacob. This took place nearly 27 years after Jacob was taken. The next day at court, our extended family and friends heard these graphic details for the first time. Nothing prepared me for that pain. I couldn’t look at the man’s face. All I wanted was for it to be over. Prior to sentencing, I prepared a victim impact statement. I wrote it planning to submit it for the court record and not read it aloud. I didn’t want to be in the spotlight yet again. But I woke up on the day of sentencing with a different mindset. I had to read it. I knew it was my chance to share how unbelievably hard this had all been. It was awful, yet it began the healing process from a very dark time in my life.”