Who We Are–Meet the Authors – Family Survival Guide

Like you, our brothers and sisters went missing for various reasons. And while our situations are all different, they are connected and similar in many ways. Some of our siblings ran away. Some were abducted. Some were lured away from their home. We all felt frightened and confused. Sometimes, we still do.

We wrote this Guide because when our brother or sister was missing, we didn’t feel like we had anyone to talk to. No one could relate to our feelings, really listen, or help us cope. We couldn’t find answers to the millions of questions we had—or people who could help us feel better. We felt alone.

You’re not alone. We’re here to offer answers where we can and to help you feel understood. We can relate to what you’re going through. In every type of missing child circumstance, families are stunned, scared, sad, angry, and desperate for help. We know those feelings; we have lived through them ourselves.

This Guide was first written in 2007 by eight young people who each experienced the abduction of a sibling. When they wrote the Guide, it was the first time they met others who had gone through similar situations.

In 2024, additional young people who experienced a missing or abducted sibling were asked to help update the Guide, offering their thoughts and perspectives on what to expect, how siblings can take care of themselves, how to find support, and what resources, services, and tools can help to navigate through this difficult and unfamiliar journey in life.

We want to share what you might expect to happen in the days, weeks—and even months and years—ahead. We hope to give you some answers to questions like:

What feelings will I have?
What might happen from day to day?
What can I do to make myself feel better?
How do I handle daily life and routines?
Who are all the people asking questions, and why?
How do I get back to a normal life?
What do I do if I feel like I can’t cope?

We have learned some useful lessons—things to say and do. Things that can help you deal with a situation that seems unreal and abnormal. We want you to know you can and will get through this, no matter how hard it seems. And in the process of putting our thoughts on paper, we realized this Guide may also be helpful for friends who are trying to support you, teachers and counselors at your school who want to help, and other family members and even parents who are also struggling with how to cope.

We wrote this Guide to give you hope and encouragement. We may not have all the answers, but we do know a lot about what you’re going through. One thing is for sure: it’s not easy.

As you read this Guide, remember that these are our thoughts and ideas about what might help you through this terrible ordeal. You will see comments from the original authors and from those of us helping to update the Guide. Individually and collectively, we found things that worked and things to think about—as well as things to avoid. And while we can’t tell you everything that will happen, we can share what we discovered and how we navigated through it.

Above all else, remember that:

Every situation is different. Based on your circumstances, you may feel differently. There is no right or wrong.
Your emotions will change. This is a given. Your emotions will change based on what is happening around you.
It’s a roller coaster ride. You may feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster. But you are strong, and you will get through this.

The Sibling Guide: Then and Now