Better understanding of law enforcement’s work, and their understanding of your and your family’s needs, can make a world of difference in working together in the search for your missing brother or sister.
After your brother or sister is missing, the first thing your parents will probably do is call the police. In most cases, law enforcement (police, sheriffs, detectives, the Federal Bureau of Investigation/FBI) will be the first people your family talks to.
Law enforcement has a large network of officers with distinct roles, responsibilities, and areas of expertise. Expect that you will see a wide variety of people at and around your home.
Understanding Police Interviews
Law enforcement has a job to do. They are there to find your brother or sister, eliminate possible suspects, and track down the actual perpetrator of the crime. Many people don’t realize this, but the police and the FBI start by questioning the people closest to the missing sibling: you, your parents, your other siblings, close relatives, friends, and neighbors.
They will also talk to many people, including those who know your brother or sister and who may have witnessed something important. They want to gather as much information as possible to bring your brother or sister home safely.
The more people law enforcement can eliminate as suspects, the more they can focus on what happened and work toward finding your brother or sister. You, your parents, and others close to the family may be asked to take a polygraph test to see if you are telling the truth. Though this can be a frightening process, it is a necessary one. Be honest. Ask questions. And remember that law enforcement is there to help.
The local police and the FBI are trained to gather as much information as possible, largely through interviews. You can expect that they will ask a lot of questions and will ask you the same questions repeatedly. You’ll probably be interviewed many times, sometimes in an uncomfortable or unfamiliar place. You may have different people or the same people asking questions. And sometimes they ask the same questions over and over again.
Some of their questions may make you feel uncomfortable or intimidated and you might not understand why they are asking you certain questions. They will ask you questions about relatives, teachers, coaches, neighbors, and family friends, and you may be afraid your answers will get someone in trouble. You may think that they are insensitive or are asking strange questions. Sometimes, it may seem like they do not know how to talk to you or don’t believe you. It’s not their intention to make you feel distrusted. The processes they are following are designed to gather the best and most accurate information possible to help find your missing brother or sister.
Through all of this, you may be so tired and confused that you start to question your own answers. Be honest with law enforcement and your family and tell them what you need. If you feel you are not being heard, you can request a family advocate, if you have not been connected with one already. Ask the law enforcement officer working with you or contact the Family Advocacy Outreach Network at the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children at 800-843-5678 for assistance.
And as you take each day as it comes in the search for your sibling, try to remember one thing: law enforcement’s job is to ask questions to help them find your brother or sister. Your job is to answer the questions as best you can. Your only job is to tell the truth.
“I liked having the police at our house. I was very scared and having them there made me feel safe.” —Trevor
“I did not care that I was being asked the same questions over and over. I just wanted them to find the monster who took my sister... Having a family advocate can be a great resource to law enforcement and help you through the process also.” —Sayeh
“Just because you don’t hear about progress doesn’t mean they’re not making any.” —Marcus
Here are some things you can do to help handle the interview process:
- Bring something with you to the interview that makes you feel comfortable. Young children may want to bring their favorite toy.
- Try not to overanalyze every question you were asked or give what you think is the “right” answer. Answer questions truthfully.
- Let the officer know if you are tired, thirsty, or need to go to the bathroom. Ask if you can take a break.
- Remind yourself that even though you don’t know why they are asking certain questions, they are the experts in solving cases.
- If you cannot remember something, don’t make up an answer. It’s okay to just say, “I don’t remember.”
- If any part of the interview makes you uncomfortable, let your parents and your family advocate know about it.
Working With Law Enforcement: Offering Honesty and Building Trust
Your family’s relationships and communication may not have been perfect before your sibling went missing, but you should still tell the truth to law enforcement about your family life. It’s very important to be honest—you’re helping law enforcement put all the pieces of the puzzle together and work with the family collaboratively.
We know that sometimes, it may feel difficult to work with law enforcement. Sometimes there may be s a language barrier that prevents ongoing, open communication between law enforcement and the family. Sometimes the first officer on the scene has never worked on a missing persons case before. All of this can make the relationship challenging. You may even feel antagonistic toward law enforcement and not trust them. But we want to reassure you that their job is to help you and your family. So do your best to remain respectful, truthful, and honest with them. As an older sibling or young adult, you can break down any barriers to open communication with the officers helping with your sibling case. You are all working toward the same goal—finding your missing sibling.
Finally, if you feel that you need some support or assistance working with law enforcement, ask to speak to another law enforcement officer, a family advocate, or a designated law enforcement liaison.
TO LOCATE A FAMILY ADVOCATE:
Ask the law enforcement officer working with you for assistance, or contact the Family Advocacy Network at the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children at 800-843-5678.
What Else Is Law Enforcement Doing?
Law enforcement may also do other things which feel invasive. Try not to be alarmed. This is all part of their search for your sibling. Here are some actions they may take to help your family—even if it doesn’t feel like help.
- Temporarily take personal possessions from your home or cars.
- Listen to or record your family’s phones or connect additional phones to use in the investigation.
- Monitor your family’s email and other online accounts to watch for suspicious activity toward your family that can lead them to a suspect.
- Monitor postal mail and packages, again to help catch suspicious activity toward your family.
- Interview your friends and neighbors.
- Ask you not to touch anything that belonged to your brother or sister.
- Help collect things that belonged to your brother or sister, such as computers, phones, tooth- or hairbrushes, gaming consoles, clothing, and even trash cans.
- Take photographs and pictures that were on the walls in your house, such as family portraits or pictures of you and your brother or sister.
Sometimes it may seem like there is a lot of law enforcement activity, and sometimes it may seem like there is none. You may not know and understand everything law enforcement is doing. They have good reasons for keeping activities confidential and not telling your family about every new development in the case. Just because you haven’t heard about any progress doesn’t mean that nothing is happening. Try not to let it get you down or lessen your hope.
One thing we found helpful was to have a law enforcement officer serve as our family’s designated liaison to give us information and to coordinate law enforcement activities. Your parents may already know and trust someone in law enforcement and can ask that person, or someone they know, to take on that role. The designated liaison can give the family an update every day. That way everyone can feel like they know what’s happening.